The family stories that spring from family vacations are some of the best. When my husband and I got married one of our family goals was to make sure we have at least one family vacation each year. Sometimes they are big, sometimes they are small. Either way, those vacations have been one of the biggest contributors to our family stories. They are a part of our family’s oscillating narrative. And when it has come to a choice between a new couch and a family vacation, we will always pick the vacation.
Research validates this viewpoint, saying that family vacations act as “happiness anchors” for children. Oliver James, Britain’s best-selling psychological author outlines this idea in a conversation with The Telegraph.
Simple Strategies for Family Storytelling
Most family stories come naturally from family vacations, but there are ways to step up your game and make family vacations more intentional. Author Bruce Feiler’s wonderful book The Secrets of Happy Families gives practical tips for stepping up the level of adventure and reducing stress on vacations. He recommends creating games to challenge and engage family members including a yes/no game called “Thinking of a time when…” that evokes stories. Another tip is to “lock in memories” at the end of a vacation by writing a story, creating an album, or some other fun way to help everyone remember the good times. On this New York Times page is a video with Feiler giving 5 tips for better family vacations.
This doesn’t have to be overly complicated. Often after a vacation, life is busy as we try to return to “normal.” A simple post on social media with several photos can be a good placeholder until you can really sit down and record the meat of your vacation.
Trips with a Purpose
In my life there have been some special and unique occasions where finding and creating family stories becomes a purpose of the trip. The last two years have served that purpose with our family and it has really changed my perspective of family stories and their importance. They were two very different vacations – the first was to make memories, the second was to find them. Both are so important for families of all shapes and sizes! Keep reading to find my five tips of how to make your family vacations full of family stories….I like to call it “storyfull.”
A vacation to create family stories
Five years ago we had a unique family dynamic happening. Very soon, my daughter would be leaving to serve an 18-month mission for our church in Sweden. My oldest son had returned from his church mission the year before, but was spending his summer near the Oregon coast – about a day’s drive away from home. Our third son was going to start his senior year and leave for his church mission about four months before my daughter returned. This meant it would be more than three years before our family would be all together again.
I suspected our family may never be the same make up due to marriage and changes. (I was right, I happily gained a new daughter-in-law last June!) Because of my son’s work schedule, we only had two full days to vacation all together on the Oregon coast so my husband and I vowed to make every single moment count. We rented a house on the beach and we soaked up each moment together.
Making the Most of the Moments
We ate fancy food, slept in, played on the beach and had some spiritual experiences together that I will never forget. Sometimes I get anxious on vacations to “cram everything in” but I know I was blessed to go with the flow during this trip. I took the opportunity to bear testimony about my relationship with God and my beliefs and we also took time to turn the music up loud, sing and mess around. There were some moments of fighting, but overall I remember the time as magical. And it almost seemed as if time stopped. Those family memories are held tight in my heart. I also took time to write down the best moments and talked to each of my children separately about their favorite memories.
I will never forget the last 30 minutes of the time with all of us together as we drove my son back to his apartment to finish his work. I started to weep. I tried to cry silently, but I could not hold back the tears. These magical moments in time were drawing to a close. My family was changing – all good changes – but changing nonetheless, and I was helpless to do anything about it.
My husband reached over, wiped a tear from my eye, grabbed my hand and kissed it. He was feeling it too. We listened to a soundtrack of music mixed with our family’s favorite band, “The National Parks” the soundtrack of “The Best Two Years,” our family’s favorite movie, and of course, the soundtrack to “Hamilton” as we drove. When we are feeling nostalgic and aching for each other as a family, we still listen to those songs.
We added a huge chapter to our family story in those two days. It was a trip that we will never forget and always cherish.
A Vacation to Remember Family Stories
Now fast forward one year. My daughter was still in Sweden. My 18-year-old son was months away from starting his two-year church mission in Roseville, California. My oldest son was getting married. And by some strange stroke of luck, his bride-to-be was from Texas in a town just about 40 miles from the town where my father was born and raised – the town where I vacationed to every single summer when I was growing up.
She grew up in the midst of where most of aunts and uncles live and only four hours from where my only sister currently lives. I had always wanted to re-visit all those memories I made as a child. Now, because we would be having a wedding reception there, I got to visit with all (well, almost all) my children and my husband in tow. What a sweet, beautiful tender mercy for me!
Trips to Cemeteries
And as if it couldn’t get any more crazy, my second daughter…you know the one who was serving her mission in Sweden? She came home in December of 2017 and married a young man from Texas in December of 2018. They lived in Texas while he attended dental school. So for a while, I had even more reasons to visit the land of my forefathers because my daughter lived there too.
The whole Texas family vacation deal is extra sweet, because being the family history buffs my husband and I are, we also were able to visit two old family cemeteries in the heart of Texas that we had longed to see since my husband started to dig deep into my dad’s family line.
Related: How my grandparents instilled a love for cemeteries in me.
Time makes Trip Traditions Sweeter
As a child, I didn’t appreciate all the joys of the family vacation to Texas every year. I was a silly, selfish kid who thought it would be great to visit lots of different spots instead of hot, humid Texas. Now, I can’t put into words my gratitude to my parents of instilling that family bond with my Texas family all those years ago. The reunion was sweet when my aunts, uncles and cousins appeared at the wedding reception and even sweeter when we got together for a big family party and another family dinner with my cousin.
We also traveled to my dad’s hometown with my sister to visit my grandparent’s home, see where my dad played football and show our kids the swimming hole where my sister and I learned that my dad could hold his breath under water longer than any other human.
On Family Trips, get the Albums out
As we gathered around my Aunt Debbie’s living room after a delicious BBQ meal, it was sweet to share stories of our visits to Texas as kids. And it was even sweeter when Aunt Debbie pulled out some beautiful scrapbooks she had made chock full of photos of my dad, his siblings, his parents and grandparents. All the while, my aunts and uncles talked about them growing up.
My joy felt pretty full. The generations seemed to converge as I walked out onto the patio and watched my children swim and play with my cousin’s children. There was gathering around the table and laughing and joking while sipping Dr Pepper. I couldn’t help but think that my Great Grandma and Grandpa Jackson whose portrait hangs in my Aunt Debbie’s living room, were maybe there with us, celebrating too.
Make it count
So why do I share these vacation tales, you ask? To encourage you to make these vacation family memories count. When there is a question of whether to remodel the kitchen or take the trip – take the trip. When there is a question of whether to share a story of your youth while you vacation or spend extra money on a game of mini-golf – take a moment and tell the story. Gosh, even write it down.
I’m pretty sure my kids may have rolled their eyes a few times when we visited the old family cemetery. But when they found many of their namesakes on the headstones, the feelings of love were tangible, not soon to be forgotten. Don’t be afraid to do something that may sound a bit boring at first. Five years from now, guess what? It won’t be boring. It will be unforgettable.
Now, I’m not saying your family vacations need to be all about family stories. Mix it up a little. Did we visit Cowboy Stadium, the Magnolia Farms in Waco and the Dr. Pepper museum? You bet! We totally mixed the fun in with the family history stuff.
Combine the Stories and the “Fun”
I have found the sweetest moments come when you can combine the two. My dad was a storyteller and has told my children of his love for the Cotton Bowl where the Texas Longhorns used to play the Oklahoma Sooners every year. We made a pilgrimage there, of course. The sounds of elation from the back seat when they saw it in all its glory for the first time were worth the trip. They loved it because they loved their grandpa. That family story came to life for them and it’s one I won’t soon forget.
Tips on How to plan a “Storyfull” vacation:
- Plan, plan, plan! This last year my husband sat our family down with a small power point of options for our family vacation. We told the kids of the family things we would be doing, but then asked them to pick their top 3 of the other “fun” options. We then merged all those top 3’s together and we made sure to hit at least one on everyone’s list.
- Scout out eating options. Depending on your budget, the food can make or break a trip, but the best thing we’ve found is to let everyone know what the food plans are before we go. For our Texas and Oregon trips, food was a big deal for us. We planned to spend big on food. When we went to Yellowstone, we ate out of a packed cooler the whole time. Both were wonderful because we had a plan for food. (Related: Dinner Table Conversation Starters for Families.)
- Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself when things don’t go according to plan. If you get lost – laugh. If you don’t get your way – laugh. I’m not perfect at this, but the stories are much better after if you laugh at craziness instead of get angry.
- Be deliberate with your storytelling. Tell family memories and make family memories. You may want to take a family journal along to record your thoughts as you go or even leave it out so your kids can do the same. Having your little ones draw pictures will also be a treasure in years to come.
- Create a family vacation soundtrack. I think each of our family vacations has memorable songs we pair with our vacations. It makes the memories more tangible when you hear the song again.
Related: Music and Memories
Get Extended Family Talking
If your vacation involves a reunion or extended family gathering, check out our top interview questions. These memory-evoking questions will spark stories, and the printable can be passed around to family members.
Rachel J. Trotter is a senior writer/editor at Evalogue.Life – Tell Your Story. She tells people’s stories and shares hers to encourage others and especially loves family storytelling. A graduate of Weber State University, Rachel has had articles featured on LDSLiving.com and Mormon.org. She and her husband, Mat, have six children and live on the East Bench in Ogden, Utah.
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A moving account of the value of holidays in bringing a family together, creating new memories and reminiscing about old memories – Do you remember when………?“
Thank you! We often find on our current vacations we tend to talk about past ones. It’s so great.
Something about adventuring together brings on more and more stories. Great post Rachel!
Yes it really does! It’s the best of times. Thanks, Laura!
I love family vacations that intentionally help bring the family closer and increase faith.